My Testimony

Until about three years ago, I was an atheist. For most of my adult life, I was a very loud, outspoken and proud non-believer. There was nothing I loved more than to point out all the "flaws" I saw in both the belief and the believer. (They even had a term for people like me... the "Angry Atheist".)

As time went on, I began to realize how juvenile and idiotic I was acting by tearing down other people's deeply held beliefs, and getting seriously worked up over seeing a Nativity scene on public display. The religion wasn't physically threatening or harming me in any way, and I was acting every bit as intolerant as I was accusing Christians of being.

I had considered myself somewhat "enlightened" back then, and decided that, although I would never be a believer myself (or so I thought), it was not my place to change others' views.

I still considered myself morally superior, and capable of living my life anyway I want, without "divine help" or guidance.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

After years of doing things my own way, without any care or concern as to whom I hurt, or what the consequences would be, it all finally caught up to me one night.

I had been caught red handed in actions I will no longer speak about, but only to say they were extremely bad. In an instant, my whole life crumbled around me, and I truly lost everything (my house, my car, my wife and my kids). I was homeless, alone and had no hopes of ever recovering.

Two weeks into being on my own, and not hearing anything from my wife or kids, I had finally reached the end of my rope. I couldn't take it anymore,  and decided it would be better for everyone, if I were gone. It wasn't a cry for help, or a pity party, I had a plan and fully intended to carry it out. Besides, I had no one that I could have cried for help to, all I had was the clothes on my back, my work cell phone and a company truck from my job, that I was sleeping in. (I was a truck driver at the time.)

I can still recall the moment vividly. I was hauling some freight, and mentally working on my plan. That evening, I was going to deliver the load, drive to a truck stop, and end it all. I remember how clear it all seemed to me, how this was the only logical choice I had left. My wife and kids hated me, and I would never be able to rebuild what I had lost (thrown away).

As I drove, the truck radio suddenly came on by itself. It spooked the hell out of me, but I quickly decided it was a malfunction.
As I reached to turn it off, it began changing channels away from the static, and ended up on a station playing some really great sounding metal (one of my favorite styles of music). I had never heard the song before, and the singer didn't sound familiar to me, but these guys really rocked. The eerie thing was, the song was entitled "Not Gonna Die Tonight" by a band I later found out was called Skillet. The next song to come on, rocked even harder than the first, and was called "Take the Bullets Away" by We As Human. By the time it ended, I was feeling a warm sense of peace like I had never known before.

It was as if I wasn't alone in that truck, and whoever was there, wanted to comfort me.  I couldn't even begin to describe it to you now.

That night, I did something I never thought I would ever do... I prayed. I told the Lord that if He was real, and that had been him, send me another sign. One I couldn't explain away or mistake.

I awoke the next morning to my cell phone ringing. My wife, whom I hadn't spoken to in two weeks and absolutely hated me, was calling because she dreamed I tried to kill myself. She was in tears, and we talked about working things out and me getting help.

From that moment, I became a Christian, and forever changed. It hasn't been easy, and I still struggle, but my life has been so much better.

Well, that's my story, and I really don't care if anyone believes it or not. I know what I went through, and I know what it's like to disbelieve everything you're told. I also know that personal experiences will never stand as valid proof to the skeptical mind.

But, most of all, I know about love, forgiveness,  and redemption. Say whatever you wish about me, or the Christian belief, but that's the God I follow.